I am struggling

mother hug

These past few weeks it feels as if the tsnumai is winning. Each day I feel as if it is pulling me down and I am struggling more and more for breath. I thought it would get easier after his anniversary passed, but then we moved towards his birthday and I realised it is on Mother’s Day this year: May 14th. I can’t seem to get past this. I want to write something for mothers who have lost children and who are facing mother’s day with that pain. Maybe that will help.


2 responses to “I am struggling

  1. Our beautiful son transitioned from suicide April 2nd 2017. His would of been 26 on his birthday April 14….all your articles are very comforting and help me relate to what has happened. Our son sounds a lot like Malcolm. Kind, generous, sensitive, loved to fish and always wonderful, to talk to. He was getting a degree to be an engineer. He was already getting paid as an engineer and was very good at what he did. He was on three soft ball leagues and played in a golf tournament the day of his passing. We spoke often and had a family text going daily. He like Malcolm always told us he loved us. I would always text him back, love you more! It was kind of our thing. He had been in a 6 year relationship with the only girl he ever dated and she broke it off with him in the month of January! I think that is when things went south. He had never lived alone and didn’t have the coping skills to live on his own. We called him and spoke with him often and thought he was doing better. It’s been so so very hard. Some days I’m not sure how to cope. We have a daughter who is very special to us too. We are thankful we have each other. It just feels so empty and different in our home now. Even though he was living away he so loved being home. He would cry every time he left. He had the biggest heart. So loving and kind.
    Thank you again for your blog. God Bless!

    • Debbie, I am so sorry. As parents we want to save our children from pain and heart-break. But we can’t. And sometimes it’s too much for them. If only we could show them their future 5 years later and they could see the possibility of surviving and being happy in the future. But all they can see and feel is the immediate fear and pain.

      Be kind to yourself in these early months. And remember his smile.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.