Today Malcolm would have been 29. Actually yesterday, as it is now 1:00am. I was just re-reading some of my posts and looking for words of hope … hope in something, hope in something more than nothing, hope in the future or just the now.  Then I think of my son, James, and I think of Flint Creek,  and I think of my wonderful, crazy family celebrating at the Bulldog just a few hours ago, and I smile. Tonight, that’s enough.


2 responses to “29

  1. Lisa, I am so sorry we have both lost a dear son. I wrote that I have a Malcolm shaped hole in my heart. I know you understand what I mean. There are so many things I would change about my parenting. But at the time I was doing my best.

    I do know that any loss I have suffered since Malcolm’s death brings up my loss of him more intensely. So having lost your father just a few months ago is sure to have intensified the loss of your son, too. Writing helps me process my feelings. I wonder if writing a letter to your son might help? And if you can, imagine what he might say to you in return. If he was always there to help others, I know he would want you to let go of your guilt and he would want you to know that he loved you and knew that you loved him too.

  2. I lost my son September 28th 2008 to a alcohol related suicide and he would have been 24 years old May 6, 2011. He was a happy go lucky child that always was there to help others..somedays it feels like just yesterday when I held him in my arms..it is almost like no one understands how i realy feel I feel like a part of me died the day he left us..I lost my Mother six years ago and my Dad to cancer a few months back…so I have been pulling alot of inner energy to get through. I took a workshop called through the pain to understand about suicide and I think losing a child to suicide is more painfull than losing a child any other way..because forever I will always question myself about being a good parent..

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