It will be four years

Gone three years
no — four
four now.

How is that true?
Did I sleep or sleepwalk
through the last twelve months?

4 Summers
4 Flint Creeks
4 Mardi Gras

4 Birthdays
208 Sunday lunches
4 Superbowls
We won one, Malc
should have been here.

4 Babies
To Beth and Jason
Jon and Sally
Porp and Meghan

4 chances to be Uncle Malc
4 Graduations
James had two — should have been there
Milissa and Teresa

Four years
How shall we mark your death
again and again
each year new?

Plant a tree
name a brick,
or throw a brick
through stained glass.

Destroy beauty
in anger
shattered and broken
the way you broke us.

Sharp like your wit;
scattered like your bones.

But light finds even shards
pierces cracked color,
reflecting on our faces
what might have been
and what will be
that you will miss.

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3 responses to “It will be four years

  1. i wish i could put my thoughts into words like this. we miss him, too- so much.

  2. i didn’t know Malcolm, but i know how much you loved him. four years is a long time to go without someone you love so much. so much goes by in four years. it feels like time lost, so much missing, and longing, and anger. i understand, i think it’s also wonderful that you can look at all the good things you’ve experienced in the past four years, the graduations, the births, the Saints winning the Superbowl. when you loose someone it’s like they take a piece of you with them, that space can never be filled, but then other people come into your life, and they add little pieces to your life that can’t replace what you’ve lost, but can hopefully add to for the better. so plant some trees, name some bricks, throw bricks to. do all of those things because it’s hard to grieve in silence and no one should have to. you deserve to be able to grieve out-loud.

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