The first year after Malcolm died passed in a fog. Life went on but I was disengaged for the most part. As I move into the third year I feel a need to write more about those first few months. Maybe because I want these reflections to be honest and be of use to other parents. Maybe because writing will help me hold on to that year.
But why do I want to do that? Hold on to those awful days?
I’m not sure. It might be that I am afraid of losing touch with my deepest grief because that suggests the loss is becoming bearable and that seems unthinkable. How could it ever be bearable to lose your baby, your child, your son? So I am going to post some reflections and memories of those first days and weeks. I might also post the eulogy. I want you to know my son.